This was the reply by one of the Helix members, Siddharth when he was frustrated by chain emails. It’s one of the most creative ones I’ve seen. And today, I echo the same sentiment.
Hello, my name is Siddharth. I am suffering from rare and deadly
diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme virginity, fear of being rejected
by every girl I speak to and of being kidnapped and executed by anal
I also suffer from the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters
sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor
6-year-old girl in the god forbidden Thar with a breast on her forehead will be
able to raise enough money to have it removed before her consanguineous parents
sell her to a traveling freak show. Or, even better, if I donâ€™t pass on a
â€˜devotional fucking mantraâ€™ to all the people in my list in the next 6 hours-my
privates are gonna be severed by the next bolt of lightning from heaven!!
Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone to
whom you send “this” email, $1000? How stupid can we be?
“Ooooh, looky here!â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦choooooooo cuteâ€¦..koochi koochiâ€¦â€¦lemme forward it all
over the fucking universe!
If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I’ll get laid by every playboy model
in the magazine!” What a bunch of crab-fart. Basically, this message is a big
FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send
me stupid chain mail forwards.
Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my apartment and sodomize
me in my sleep for not continuing a chain that was started by some Tapeworm,
somewhere in 5 BC and brought to this country by midget pilgrims and which, if
it makes it to the year 2010, will be in the Guinness Book of World Records for
the longest continuous streak of blatant stupidity.
Fuck them!!! If you’re going to forward something, at least send me something
mildly amusing. I’ve seen all the “send this to 50 of your closest friends, and
this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from
some omniscient being” forwards about 90 times. I simply don’t fucking care.
Show a little intelligence and think about what you’re actually contributing to
by sending out these forwards. Chances are, it’s your own unpopularity.
If you get some chain letter that’s threatening to leave you shagless or
luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. Don’t piss people off by making
them feel guilty about a leper in Chattisgarh with no teeth who has been tied to
a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 bucks per letter
he’ll receive if you forward this email, lest he end up like Miranda. Right?
Now forward this to everyone you know. Otherwise, tomorrow morning your
underwear will turn carnivorous and will consume your genitals.
I would appreciate it if ppl did not forward me stuff, especially well known hoaxes like yahoo giving you money or microsoft giving you money. Please use common sense, and stay safe.